Accountability and Responsibility

One synonym of accountability that I like to use is blameworthiness: the ability to accept blame for something you’re responsible for. Yet one of the easiest way out of a situation turned sour is to pass the buck — pass on the blame to the next person down the chain.

As I get older (and wiser?), I start to realize that the best way to prevent the passing-of-the-buck is to understand from the start what you should be responsible for and what others should be responsible for. In more and more of my daily responsibilities, if I am relying on others, I will let them know in advance. In the past few years, the number one reason for my biggest failures is not because I didn’t watch things close enough, but because I didn’t set the situation up properly from the start. When I have to rely on the jobs of others now, I let them know in advance what the expectations will be, and I also inquire for their views on what they expect of me.

Yet there are times that we forget to properly set up who is responsible for what in a given relationship. Some times the worst problems start because of what a person expects of another — without discussing those expecations though, the chance to err is wide open. And in those situations when we’re so comfortable with another person that we don’t discuss responsibility, we see the biggest break-ups and relationships destroyed. Parents and children, husbands and wives and siblings that see relationships fall apart often come to those break-ups because of what is thought of as the irresponsibility of one party (or both).

In the past 5 years I have recovered more relationships due to discovering my own irresponsibilities, but I am starting to see some of those relationships start to fall apart because the other party hasn’t discovered their share of problems. In one such situation, a close family member refuses to accept their mistakes over the past decade, and we’re getting to the point of not being able to fulfill a happy relationship because of the dark cloud of irresponsibility. Yet what does one do when the time to address responsibility passed years (or decades) earlier, and the lack of accountability in the relationship can not be fixed?

It is particularly this situation that I am dealing with that makes me realize how important it is to discuss the responsibility/accountability needs of both parties in any relationship — and do it early. If a person you are becoming close to refuses to have the discussion, you should realize that the years of time you are investing into the relationship might end up in a terrible break-up. In the recent 5 years that I have recovered lost relationships, I have also realized that some active ones were taking more time and energy without a positive side: the people I was dealing with were unable to accept any accountablity for their actions. The least painful thing I could do was to just end the relationship and be honest about it. Sometimes this ending can be painful — especially if the person is a loved one or family. Yet we also see that the best way to help someone can often times be walking away from them until they are ready to accept responsibility for their actions.

That responsibility is not just being happy for what they did correct, but blameworthiness for what they did incorrectly. The only way to be truly responsible and accountable is to be able to open yourself up for criticism but also be open to setting the roles in the relationship early on.

Discuss this article at the accountability and responsibility forum.

For years that was a common phrase heard in my household. It may have come from my lips, it might have come from hers, but it was said, nonetheless. Going out could mean hitting a bar or a concert, going shopping or even just driving around. In each situation, we figured we could solve the boredom at home by spending money (food, beer, clothes or just gas for the roadtrips).

While we still go on roadtrips, they’re now sponsored by those who pay me to visit. Can’t beat that. I’ve cut back significantly on spending when I go out, but we still socialize at some local chophouses (where I work on spreading the cause of freedom and selling some of my written works). These socializing events usually end up profitable as I’ll pick up a customer or sell a book.

Looking back over the years, I believe one of the biggest reasons why it is so hard to stay at home is sheer boredom. Sitting on the couch and watching TV gets boring really quickly, even if you love the shows. Sitting and talking to someone you’ve known over a decade isn’t easy if you’re not good talkers, and becoming good talkers isn’t easy if you’re always in each others’ faces all day and have nothing new to talk about.

What do you do to destroy the boredom of being at home with the person/people you love?

In my experience, the biggest creator of boredom is the TV. I highly recommend unplugging it or even turning off the cable for a week (tell the cable company you’re going “on a vacation” — from cable). You’ll be amazed at how quickly your life will change from couch surfing to doing something productive.

There are numerous things to do that can turn a boring 4 hour evening into a fun one. Something as basic as picking weeds together can be a hilarious event if you create a prize for whoever picks the most weeds. The battle to grab that dandelion you both spotted 10 feet away can bring about loud laughter — enough to scare the neighbors. Weed-picking sounds boring, but creating fun out of boredom can be done, as long as its not the TV. Drinking games don’t count.

Cooking together is also a fun way to get rid of boredom, but the big problem with cooking is the eating afterwards. The best way I’ve found to make cooking fun is for both people to each go out and buy one secret item they’ll bring to the kitchen that night. Sit at the PC together for a 1/2 hour and find something you can make that incorporates both items. I also like to see how little we can cook and still make it look appetizing — dressing a plate together in a professional manner is also fun. Hint: you’ll use a towel often to clean up the plate to look nice.

If you’re addicted to shopping, a battle of thrift can be fun. We’ve regularly hit the malls and the big box stores with one thing in mind: to find the absolute cheapest item in the store that the other person would actually wear or use. One night we spent 5 hours running around a huge mall only to end up each spending less than U$1 each. It was even more hilarious because we decided to leave our cell phones in the car and try to find each other without setting a deadline time to meet.

If you’ve got a close and friendly couple, many of these boredom-reducing ideas can work even better with 4 (especially if its guys versus girls or if you’re comfortable enough to swap partners for the adventure). You don’t need to spend money to have fun, and you don’t need the TV to introduce creativity in your lives. One thing that I can guarantee as an outcome from random cheap adventures is a much better love life as well as a stronger emotional bond.

Do you have a way to reduce boredom in the household? Share it at the accountability and responsibility forum.