Accountability and Responsibility

MILWAUKEE, WI

By A.B. Dada
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One of our closests friends Rebecca Georgakis passed away this morning peacefully after a 4 year battle with brain cancer. She was in her early 20s, and married to one of my closest friends and oldest business partner, Christos. They have been married just short of one year.

This is one of those situations that brings tears to my eyes for two reasons: out of love for the family, and out of selfishness in my own life. I can not imagine losing my closest friends and loved ones so early in their lives. My significant other and I argue just like anyone — but not over money or over time or over infidelity or any of the usual suspects. We usually disagree over economics and politics (ha!). Today’s a great day to put that to bed.

Rebecca was a great woman who fulfilled her husband and her home perfectly. Christos told me that he was prepared for this happening, considering that Rebecca lived 3 years longer than any doctor had expected her to. Their short relationship together was an example I wish I had lived myself in my 20s, when work and fun and profit were my only goal.

I pray that Rebecca rests in peace, but as I said before the loss of a loved one can bring incredibly selfish feelings for me, too. In the past 6 months my outlook on life has changed completely: rather than focus on profits and growth and gains, I’ve focused on finding ways to cut back on what I want, which helps me cut back on what I need, so that I can focus on what others want and need. The best way to love someone is in a peaceful way — but I haven’t been able to fully grasp that ideal.

I’m not a parent, but how does a parent truly love in peace without being forceful towards their children? Is the use of force by a parent (punishment, judgement, discipline) appropriate in terms of the child’s future welfare? My parents never punished me, they never judged me and they never disciplined me. I had a rocky late teen/early 20s, but I ended up very self-reliable and encouraged by my personal goals. What do you parents do to balance the love versus the desire to control (for their welfare)?

Is there any love in your life today that you’re frustrated with, that you’ve burned bridges with, or that you’ve cut off communications with? Why? Is it because they won’t live the way you want them to live? Is it because they’ve hurt you in some way?

In the past 6 months I’ve been reading a lot of religious books (not just the New Testament of the Bible) and I’m repeatedly shocked by the example of love throughout all the books. I’m disgusted by the Christian community and church because of their lack of motivation to love others rather than judge and control them. I’m seeing families fall apart over false doctrines and creeds (and cults). I don’t think the way church is run today is how the Bible intended it to, but I also am having problems finding even one soul out there who agrees with me, so Occam’s Razor probably means I’m wrong. My heart and mind and soul won’t give up my new way of thinking, though.

Lately I have been focused on running VIPMinistry.com — a full-service print and media services company for houses of worship. We’re a not-for-income company, meaning we don’t charge for our labor, we don’t offer any profit, and we don’t even bill our “clients” for what they use and want. The most humbling experience in life is to be able to try to meet the needs of others no matter what they ask for. I believe it is a relief to the soul to love others in peace, even if we disagree with them. The fact that I am happier lately than I’ve ever been in my life is a testament to the fact that serving others CAN be a positive, even if it doesn’t satisfy our desires for things or savings or free time.

How do you love in peace? Discuss at the accountability and responsibility forum.

I was originally thinking of posting this under the AnarCap heading, but it also tied into my ongoing desire to be more responsible about updating the responsibility site Funny how things in life go — my car stereo-shop owning friend has a big empty hole in his dashboard; my friend who owns a bike shop hasn’t ridden a bike in about 5 years. I guess that’s just how it is.

Last Thursday was The Freaky Blonde’s birthday (33 shhh). We had her family over (her mom and brother) for cake (which I couldn’t have more than a bite of) and pizza (ibid). Her brother Jay is 27, but he has some very special needs and has the mental capacity of a 3 year old. Hilarious kid, though, because he definitely acts like a man in some situations — especially when the ladies at his church are showing legs. I guess sin runs through everyone’s blood, even those who are socially ostracized and can’t really comprehend it.

Jay gets very excited (he is prone to seizures and panic attacks), but his medication usually keeps him very stable. With her birthday song and cake candles, though, the poor guy couldn’t handle things. After the cake was cut up and placed on plates on the table, he froze up, yelled out a moan, seized up his muscles and went falling over, into the table of cake plates and forks. He hit the 12″-off-the-floor table with a huge thud and rolled off of it. That’s when 911 was called, and that’s when my CPR training went into effect. Hitting the table at that angle could have broken his back, so caution was due while I also managed calling 911 (the two ladies were both in shock from the 30 second changeover and accident).

After carefully rolling him onto his back, he had no breathe and no pulse. I checked his pulse in 3 locations and didn’t even feel a light one, and he started turning blue right away. The entire time I was getting yelled at by the ladies (who were freaked out of their heads) to tell the ambulance to hurry up — as if the lady on the other end of the line wasn’t working her hardest. Calling 911 from a cell phone put me in touch with the local 911 dispatcher, who happened to be from the same zip code as we lived in but a different town. Big mistake; our 911 dispatch and fire station is in another town with another zip code and much closer than the town we share a zipcode with. After spending about 60 seconds telling the dispatcher that, I was finally forwarded to the proper one who sent the bus on its way. I attended to Jay, who was definitely not breathing or showing a heartbeat, and proceeded to give him CPR for about 60 seconds at which point he took his first breath and color slowly returned to his face.

The paramedic bus got lost in our culs-de-sac. We live in a cul-de-sac that is sort of within another one (every street has the same basic name going in 3 different directions), so I sent TFB and her mom outside to flag them down. Jay stopped breathing and lost his strong pulse again, so I proceeded to giving him CPR one more time in hopes of just keeping oxygen going to his brain.

The ambulance arrived just as he started breathing again, and the men running the game were unbelievably ignorant of the situation. The last time I had to deal with an emergency, I called 911 and then called a private ambulance company — the private company actually came 3 minutes faster! I was shocked to see an upper-class suburban emergency service take as long as it did; even driving my normal speed, I can reach their building in about 5 minutes, not 12.

Jay was rushed to the hospital, where an overnight stay showed me the reality of all the public facilities that I think we all need to see on a regular basis. Jay’s disability allows him to collect medicare (or medicaid) insurance for emergencies. His mother could not afford him otherwise, but it has been an endless debate about how he should be cared for by his church and his direct family (including myself!). The hospital was told that he had federal government coverage, which is where the lack of care began.

Through the next 5 hours Jay was seen by 1 doctor, but 3 doctors made recommendations for X-rays, MRIs and other tests that weren’t needed. He received an X-Ray to confirm that his spine wasn’t injured (it wasn’t) and then he was basically ignored for hours and hours and hours. Jay must take his medication every 8 hours, but repeated requests for the nurse or doctor to administer them went unanswered. Food wasn’t available, and the nurse wanted to administer an anti-panic medication to his IV without looking at his medical history and drug interaction (he is already on heavy doses of anti-panic and anti-seizure medications). No one wanted to service him, even though the hospital was VERY quiet that night.

The 5 hours turned into 16, and finally morning arrived when his general practictioner showed up in fear. She checked his stats and read over his charts and 5 minutes later said he should have left the day before — he likely had a small virus that he wasn’t able to explain to his mother, and he was weak from having the cold. When he hit the table after the panic attack, it was only because he was weak from the cold and he had knocked his breath out during the fall — but he stopped breathing because it was how his body reacted to the scare.

I’m not a fan of hospitals, anymore, because of the government restrictions and regulations placed on them. Hospitals don’t seem to be there to treat the sick in an emergency; they seem to be there to treat those who are unwilling to pay for health insurance.

On top of all the excitement, I picked up a bug of my own from being in the hospital. I’ve been confined to bedrest since yesterday, and just now snuck into the office to check my e-mail. How is it that a clean area like a hospital is the only place I have repeatedly gotten sick from (other than international flights)? Does it have something to do with the overall financial loss that a hospital is forced to accept, through federal and state regulations?

The point of this article is to be aware and responsible about 5 things:

1. Learn CPR. Re-train every few years.
2. Scope out which fire department is closest to you and request it when calling 911. Don’t demand it, just let the person know you need “Citysville Fire Station #11″ and let them find the fastest responder. Had I known the number, I believe I’d have cut the response time down by 6 minutes.
3. If there is an emergency, send an extra person out to the nearest busy street to flag down the emergency responders — especially if you live on confusing roads.
4. Don’t rub your eyes, pick your nose or scratch your ears if you’re in a hospital — you’re guaranteed to get sick.
5. Don’t be afraid to demand faster service if you have a loved on in an emergency room. They’re required by law to treat the worst situations first, but you’ll usually be able to see who is sitting around doing nothing when things are slow. Flag them down and nicely ask for an update. The last ER visit I had to make for a family member, they were in their bed 12 hours before being attended to. The nurse actually admitted off the record that this family member was basically forgotten.

Discuss this article at the accountability and responsibility forum.