Accountability and Responsibility

For years that was a common phrase heard in my household. It may have come from my lips, it might have come from hers, but it was said, nonetheless. Going out could mean hitting a bar or a concert, going shopping or even just driving around. In each situation, we figured we could solve the boredom at home by spending money (food, beer, clothes or just gas for the roadtrips).

While we still go on roadtrips, they’re now sponsored by those who pay me to visit. Can’t beat that. I’ve cut back significantly on spending when I go out, but we still socialize at some local chophouses (where I work on spreading the cause of freedom and selling some of my written works). These socializing events usually end up profitable as I’ll pick up a customer or sell a book.

Looking back over the years, I believe one of the biggest reasons why it is so hard to stay at home is sheer boredom. Sitting on the couch and watching TV gets boring really quickly, even if you love the shows. Sitting and talking to someone you’ve known over a decade isn’t easy if you’re not good talkers, and becoming good talkers isn’t easy if you’re always in each others’ faces all day and have nothing new to talk about.

What do you do to destroy the boredom of being at home with the person/people you love?

In my experience, the biggest creator of boredom is the TV. I highly recommend unplugging it or even turning off the cable for a week (tell the cable company you’re going “on a vacation” — from cable). You’ll be amazed at how quickly your life will change from couch surfing to doing something productive.

There are numerous things to do that can turn a boring 4 hour evening into a fun one. Something as basic as picking weeds together can be a hilarious event if you create a prize for whoever picks the most weeds. The battle to grab that dandelion you both spotted 10 feet away can bring about loud laughter — enough to scare the neighbors. Weed-picking sounds boring, but creating fun out of boredom can be done, as long as its not the TV. Drinking games don’t count.

Cooking together is also a fun way to get rid of boredom, but the big problem with cooking is the eating afterwards. The best way I’ve found to make cooking fun is for both people to each go out and buy one secret item they’ll bring to the kitchen that night. Sit at the PC together for a 1/2 hour and find something you can make that incorporates both items. I also like to see how little we can cook and still make it look appetizing — dressing a plate together in a professional manner is also fun. Hint: you’ll use a towel often to clean up the plate to look nice.

If you’re addicted to shopping, a battle of thrift can be fun. We’ve regularly hit the malls and the big box stores with one thing in mind: to find the absolute cheapest item in the store that the other person would actually wear or use. One night we spent 5 hours running around a huge mall only to end up each spending less than U$1 each. It was even more hilarious because we decided to leave our cell phones in the car and try to find each other without setting a deadline time to meet.

If you’ve got a close and friendly couple, many of these boredom-reducing ideas can work even better with 4 (especially if its guys versus girls or if you’re comfortable enough to swap partners for the adventure). You don’t need to spend money to have fun, and you don’t need the TV to introduce creativity in your lives. One thing that I can guarantee as an outcome from random cheap adventures is a much better love life as well as a stronger emotional bond.

Do you have a way to reduce boredom in the household? Share it at the accountability and responsibility forum.

It is very easy to become frustrated with the actions of others, especially those you are close to. People are odd beasts, doing seemingly random actions that might seem counterproductive to the relationship you have with them. It is very hard to build up admiration towards another only to have it shut down with an action that disturbs you or makes you mad.

I believe that admiration for another is something that can be kept solid even in the face of the unexpected actions of others. When you acknowledge that every person generally puts themselves first (even if they are saying the opposite), you can understand a person’s actions better when you realize that your life is just as chaotic to them as theirs is to yours. I’ve built up an understanding that the best expectation you can have of another person is that they will remain honorable. To admire a person and have expectations that they will always makes decisions positive in your life is an avenue for frustration and possibly irrepairable conflict. Yet to view a person solely based on their ability to honor a promise can give you new insight into the actions of others.

Human action is perplexing because we don’t know all the facts and trials in a person’s life. The moment you judge the actions of another person, you’re putting yourself in a bad emotional position as you can never know all the facts about a person’s life. What may seem like someone else’s focusing on what is best for you is probably only random chance rather than a true focus. Even when we want to focus on someone else we still get distracted by our own lives — on what is important now.

Finding honor in a person is difficult, but it starts with acting honorably yourself. If you tend to break promises, write them down after you’ve made them. If you’re bad with deadlines, set those goals on paper and follow through with them. If you tend to get overburdened with too many activities, don’t be afraid to tell people that you’re just too busy, but you’d rather let them know that rather than break their trust. If you are known to walk away from responsibilities, ask people for their help in holding you accountable. Don’t force people to do these tasks, those who do them and excel at being honorable tend to be respected and admired because of their attention to what needs tending, rather than the actual outcome of their actions. When someone knows you will try your hardest, you gain honor just for the attempt. When someone doesn’t see your honorable attempts but instead only sees you succeeding and failing, the ruptures that can break up relationships can come very quickly.

In the end, an honorable person will reap more admiration than someone who is loved because of their promises and actions. They will work hard at keeping themselves open to accountability, and they will work at following through with their responsibilities. When you do both of these things, you will still be honorable even in failure.

Discuss this article at the accountability and responsibility forum.