Accountability and Responsibility

Is there someone in your life, or someone who was in your life, that you’re ashamed to deal with? Did you hurt them or fail them in some way that prevents you from having the relationship you’d want or previously had?

I’ve been there, and I’m currently going through a similar situation due to the failure of my retail stores — many of my previous customers became good friends, and there has definitely been a huge wall. My recent travels throughout the world have prevented me from focusing on rebuilding the relationships, and it is never an easy step going to someone and truly apologizing for the pain you may have caused.

Yet the shame and guilt can go both ways. Hurting someone is usually the beginning of a breach, but getting their forgiveness is not enough to fix the situation. If you still feel ashamed or they still harbor resentment, the relationship has little hope for success.

For me, I am quick to forgive and forget. But I know that forgiving is not easy for most people — they seem to always harbor a little fear that they’ll get hurt again. I believe this is definitely a problem for relationships in that they don’t have the ability to grow and flourish back to their previous levels (or higher).

If you truly want to forgive someone, no amount of words will do it. The best way, I’ve found, to rebuild a relationship is to make time to spend more time with the person who hurt you or the person you hurt. Only through face time can we truly show the other party (or be shown ourselves) that the situation is over and that the shame is no longer needed. I’ve hurt friends in the past and they’ve seemed forgiving on the surface, but they’re no longer in my life. I did a bad job of making sure I proved to them that I was responsible and honorable. On the same note, I’ve forgiven people who have been afraid of spending time with me because they likely felt that I didn’t really forgive them — this is again my fault because I did not take steps to spend time with them to rebuild the relationship.

If you’re harboring some guilt or shame or resentment because of a past wrong, the only way you’ll be able to work past it is with time: personal time, face time, relationship building time. It is then that both parties can truly heal and build on a new foundation. Life is very short, don’t let past hurts continue to affect your future.

Discuss this article here.